My husband was working out the other day and listening to his ‘oldies but goodies’ on his very old CD boom box! He is a tad old school and chooses CD’s over listening on his phone with earpods.
Anyway – the song ‘In the Living Years’ by Mike and Mechanics was blaring and for some reason I heard the words for the first time. Actually, I think I heard the words as they were written for the first time. (I have added the words AND the song at the end of this article).
As I was listening to the song I realized that many of us are stuck in the past. We blame others. We blame our moms, dads, grandparents, Eve in the Garden of Eden, our friends, or our bosses. Is this you?
We look back and become frustrated. Irritated. Angry. Or we shove it all under the carpet and hope to never see any of it again. Is this you?
I think of the parents that project their own hopes and dreams onto their children. The need for their kids to ‘follow in their footsteps' or ‘take over the family business someday' or ‘we have always been a family of lawyers'….completely forgetting that their child might not really want that. Those are not the dreams or goals of the child. Is this you?
I think of the arguments and fights. The irritation that comes from disagreements. From not seeing eye to eye. From not agreeing to disagree. And, as a result, conversations are stilted (if there are conversations at all), phone calls are non-existent and emotions are running high.
Which leads me to the next generation. The one in the song. Your anger and irritation will affect your children…and their children. Kids see how you behave and they think they can behave that way too. Your anger with your mom, dad, or sister casts a shadow on them…and they have anger too. Because they are ‘on your side'. And now the kids are being dragged into your muck. And they don't even realize it.
Then I think about the here and now.
Believe it or not…the years pass so quickly. And life can change in an instant. A car accident. A heart attack. A stroke. A fall. An illness.
Once that person who you thought was an irritate. A cog in your wheel. The one who you just could not even attempt to offer a compromise…they are gone. And it's too late. Too late to set your differences aside and agree to disagree. Too late to say you are sorry. Too late for a hug. Or a smile. Or a visit. Or a phone call. Too late to help your family and friends move past it all and have their own closure.
And, I gotta say, when that person passes away, you will have regrets. Regrets of what could have been and what you lost. You will always wonder what your life, and theirs, would have been like without all of the strife, anger and irritation.
I would like to encourage you to live a life of no regrets.
Put your differences aside and agree to disagree.
Make the phone call.
Mail the letter.
Show up in person.
Step back and find a neutral place when that person leans in and brings up the worst in you.
Listen to the song – I think you will like it. Pay attention to what the lyrics say.
… Every generation
Blames the one before
And all of their frustrations
Come beating on your door
… I know that I'm a prisoner
To all my Father held so dear
I know that I'm a hostage
To all his hopes and fears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years
… Oh, crumpled bits of paper
Filled with imperfect thought
Stilted conversations
I'm afraid that's all we've got
… You say you just don't see it
He says it's perfect sense
You just can't get agreement
In this present tense
We all talk a different language
Talking in defense
Chorus: … Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye
… So we open up a quarrel
Between the present and the past
We only sacrifice the future
It's the bitterness that lasts
… So don't yield to the fortunes
You sometimes see as fate
It may have a new perspective
On a different day
And if you don't give up, and don't give in
You may just be okay
Chorus
… I wasn't there that morning
When my Father passed away
I didn't get to tell him
All the things I had to say
… I think I caught his spirit
Later that same year
I'm sure I heard his echo
In my baby's new born tears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years
Chorus
… So say it, say it, say it loud
Say it clear
Say it loud
(Don't give up, don't give in and don't look away 'til it's too late)
Say it clear
Say it loud
What is Joyful Living all about?
Joyful Living is ALL about not letting let the circumstances of YOUR life determine who you really are. You learn to choose YOU instead! Not sure how to do that? Let me help!
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