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Are you struggling with how to write a wedding thank you? Maybe even who you should send a wedding thank you to? Or, what message do you include in your thank you?

Let's start with…What should you say in a wedding thank you.

Do words escape you when you grab your thank you cards and pen…you just don't know what message you want to include in your thank you's? You have no idea how to write a wedding thank you. Or, maybe you struggle with writing something a bit more heartfelt than ‘Thanks for the coffee pot' or ‘Thanks for the gift card'.

First, let's start with what your wedding thank you message should include.

Your wedding thank you could include something like the following.

‘Hi Jane. Thanks so much for coming to our wedding. We are so grateful that you travelled so far. I loved your blue dress and earrings and the way you were dancing was so much fun. I wish I could dance like that!
We love our new oil and vinegar set and can't wait to pour in our faves and use it every night at dinner. Cause you know how much we love salads, right?'

Or, how about this:

‘Robert and Sue. It was so great seeing you at our wedding! We have missed you and it was great to catch up, even if only for a few minutes. So happy to hear that the kids are doing great and that the snow in Colorado hasn't been as bad this year. We love the pillows you bought us for our sofa. How did you know what colors we liked? They are just perfect. Hope to catch up with you again soon. And, thanks again.

Or, write some type of memory from the past:

‘Remember all those summers when we would meet at the beach for breakfast? I still remember them fondly. We sure did miss you at the wedding. We love our steak knives and can’t wait to put a few steaks on the grill. Next time you are in town let us know…we can cook up a few steaks for you too'.

A wedding thank you message should be special. It should include personal thoughts or insights.

If you met for the first time say something like:

‘I am so happy I finally got to meet you. Bill has been talking about you non- stop since we met. And he was right! You do have some great dancing skills. It was so fun watching you. We are also looking forward to using our new beach towels. The colors are just perfect. Thanks a million’

We went to a wedding in Austin a few years ago, and received our wedding thank you card about a month later. The note was heartfelt and they included a few photo booth pics that were taken. I still have them both pinned to my board and look at them almost every day.

Who should write the wedding thank you?

And, there is no rule that states a bride has to write all the thank you’s herself. THAT is old school for sure. The groom can share in the task. Maybe he can write to the bride’s family and vice versa. How fun to receive a note from your new in-law!

Who do you write a wedding thank you to?

Anyone who sent a gift whether or not they attended the wedding.
All of the vendors. The caterer, flower people, clean up crew, DJ, photographer, videographer, venue, wedding planner and assistant.
All of the bridesmaids. All of the groomsmen. Even though you already gave them a gift….a thank you is a must. Most of the wedding party has travelled a distance to attend. Not counting the money they spent on a dress, gift, hotel, etc.
Your parents and anyone else who has supported you throughout the years.
Anyone who contributed financially to make the big day a reality.
Anyone who hosted a party or shower for you. Emily Post says these need to be written within 2 days.
Anyone who hosted your guests in their homes.
Anyone who helped out. Doing errands, picking up food, finding the perfect lipstick or fixing your stray eyelashes.

Wedding stationary is great. Dayspring has some awesome wedding Thank you’s – check them out HERE. I think you will really love them. If I was getting married again I would order from them (unless I made them myself 🙂

When should the wedding thank you be mailed?

A year to send thank you's?!

I came across an article the other day that stated a bride had a year after her wedding to send out her thank you’s. What!? A year – what if they lost the list – then what? The same article said that the guests have a year to send a gift. Now, I don’t know about you….but I would not even remember 2 months later, let alone a year. This went totally against everything I was taught so, as usual, I hit the internet to see what I could find.

According to Zola.com the rule of thumb is three months. They did acknowledge the ‘you have a year’ as rumor not fact.
Martha Stewart Wedding says ‘Unfortunately for the procrastinators among us, both are very self-centered, smack of laziness, and are completely false.’ (She is talking about the thank you writing and the gift giving).
From TheSpruce.com – ‘However, some etiquette advice says that sending a thank you note later than three months post-wedding is simply inexcusable’.
Emily Post says ‘Contrary to popular myth, the happy couple does not have a year’s grace period in which to write their notes. All thank-you notes should be written within three months of the receipt of the gift. Ideally, a response should be written on the day you receive a wedding gift. If that’s not possible, set a daily goal. It’s a lot easier to write three or four notes a day than to have to write a hundred notes in a month after the wedding!
The Knot had this to say – When exactly are your thank-you notes ‘due'? While your guests have up to a year to send you a wedding gift, you, sadly, don't have that kind of time. Follow these timing guidelines to avoid leaving your guests hanging:
- For all gifts received before the wedding send thank-you notes within two weeks of their arrival.
- For all gifts received on or after your wedding, send thank you cards within (or up to) three months of their arrival.

And there you have it – a year it is…..NOT!

I am wondering where that rumor even came from when the top wedding peeps say NO WAY! But, to ask another question…why do we need a year? The wedding planning is over, the honeymoon was great, and back to work we go. It’s not like we have to go and dig the garden and milk the cows during the daylight hours available to us.

Is the task just so daunting that we need more time to put it off and get mentally prepared. (which it itself would be a shame because people spent hard earned money to buy things on YOUR list).

So, why do I keep saying…'and send'?

Well, writing your wedding thank you’s is not enough. You actually need to buy stamps and put them on the envelope….and put them in the mail box. Why do I even have to say that? Well…

About 30 years ago I went to a Bat Mitzvah. The young girl wrote her thank you’s out in a timely manner. She gave them to her dad to buy stamps and mail them….only her dad never did. How weird is that? And totally crazy!

So what do you need to do to not be overwhelmed?

As the old joke goes – ‘How do you eat an elephant?…..1 bite at a time.'

How about writing (and sending) 3-4 a day? That is how I address my Christmas cards (since I make them all my notes are pretty short and sweet). It makes it manageable…and fun. Thinking of your gifts and your guests should put a smile in your heart.’

Try this:

Buy your thank you cards ahead of time.
Get a list of all the addresses of who you need to send them to (your guest list addresses). Maybe someone can be gathering all those details while you are on your honeymoon?
After you get home and unpack, relax, burn your 1st meal or two, get out the pen…and eat an elephant.

I sure hope this helps you on your quest on finding out ‘how to write a wedding thank you'.

I also hope the day was magic and totally memorable…in a good way