Today, as I was listening to ‘The Brutal Telling’, I was struck by what one of her characters, Armand Gamache, said about school:

‘The mix of sadness at the end of summer, and excitement to see his chums again.  The new clothes, bought after a summer’s growth.  The new pencils, sharpened over and over, and the smell of the shavings. And the new notebooks.  Always strangely thrilling.  Unmarred.  No mistakes yet.  All they held was promise and potential’.

Unmarred. No mistakes yet. All they held was promise and potential……Oh man – those sentences struck such a cord in me that I turned off the lights in my craft room and turned on my computer to write this post.  I haven’t been to school in many years, but I still remember the notebooks.  The dividers.  The #2 pencils. My new madras plaid purse. The new shiny shoes with no scuffs.  The new clothes.  But most of all, the anticipation that I would do better that year.  I would have a study program.  I would do all of my homework. I would be organized.  I would succeed.  I would have great friends. And then October would come around….and I was back into my old routines, habits and behaviors. Why is that?  Was there something wrong with me?  Was I just a loser? A quitter?

As I am sitting here thinking about all of this I have so many thoughts swirling around in my head. The ‘promise and potential’ of new beginnings in those sentences make me think about other areas of life. Areas where there is so much promise and potential:

• What about diets — why do we start and quit?
  
• What about friends — why do we have a hard time keeping them or staying in touch with them?
  
• What about new jobs — why do we get fired so often? Or have a hard time with our coworkers? Or hate all of our jobs?
  
• What about organization at home — why do our closets look like a bomb went off? Why is it so hard to fold the laundry and put it away?
  
• What about budgets and managing money — why do we overspend? Why do we not give retirement a single thought? (Even though we hope to live to age 65 someday.)
  
• What about exercise programs — why do we begin, even get strong and gain stamina, and then quit?

So, why is it, even with the best of intentions, we fall back to our old habits and can’t stick to our new promises?  

We buy all the exercise gear, exercise for a month or even a year and then quit. Our diets last for a time and then the ice cream, candy, bread, or carbs just calls our name over and over. They say, ‘Jane, here I am – pick me, pick me.’

We organize our kitchen drawers and they look awesome and then next thing we know we start throwing things in and just stop caring. Or we decide that we need to get control of our money and we start a budget. But then we see a new pair of shorts or a new kitchen gadget….and we end up buying it even though it wasn’t in the budget.

Now, I am not a psychologist.  I don’t know all the mind things that go hand-in-hand with all of this.  What I do know is this – we can NOT sweep all the old under the carpet and expect it to stay there.  We can’t just SAY – ‘I am going to change – turn over a new leaf’. Because eventually something happens to blow back the corners of that carpet….and we find ourselves looking back at what was easier.  What felt more comfortable.  Have you heard the saying about the baby in her dirty diaper?  It goes something like this – ‘I know it stinks but it’s mine and I like it.’ The same goes for us.

 I think it comes down to a few questions – 

What is your bigger why?

1. Are you trying to lose weight because you want to fit into smaller clothes? What about the fact that your heart, joints, and mind would really appreciate a change in eating habits? (AND when you get old like me it is too late – recent articles say that it takes 30 years of terrible eating for Alzheimer’s to take hold. And let’s face it, 95% of all Americans eat terrible).
   
2. Are you going on a budget because someone told you to? Do you even feel the need to save for retirement or emergencies? It takes severe discipline to not overspend. What about the fact that ‘the borrower is the servant to the lender’? A true statement that I know from personal experience. What if your budget was based on your future not your present… so that you, to quote David Ramsey, could ‘live like no one else so you can live like no one else?’ Meaning save now so you can live like a queen when you are older.

What will motivate and initiate long term change?

1. Do you need an accountability partner — someone who has your best interest at heart, will be honest, and help you with your hurdles? Would you even listen to that person or just make excuses with them? My daughter loves the gym and working out alone. But she loves signing up for classes even more because she is held accountable (she pays even if she does not go).
   
2. Do you need to make lists (and actually look at them) in order to do what needs to be done and then cross it off? My husband, when he was working around the house and did something not previously on the list, would quickly write it on the list and cross it off. It gave him a sense of accomplishment to know he tackled all of his tasks by the end of the day.

At this point, you might be thinking to yourself: I am fine with where I am at and don’t need to make any changes. Before your click away, here are a few questions/sentences to think about –

1. Do I value my body and my mind?
   • If yes….. I will eat foods that will help my body be the machine that God intended it to be.

     NOT – ‘I will go on a diet so I can fit in that dress.’

2. Do I want to lose my balance or my agility as I get older?
   • If no…. I will exercise and stretch to maintain my strength (yoga and Pilates are great options).

     NOT – ‘I will go to the gym so I can get a abs and look fabulous in a bikini (or 1 piece when you get to be my age).’

3. Do I want to live hand-to-mouth when I am older?
   • If no…. I will establish a budget and not overspend now…so I can have money later.

     NOT – ‘My husband told me I had to quit spending money so I will buy stuff and sneak it into the house.’

4. Would I like to have long term lasting relationships?
   • If yes…. I will put others 1st and figure out what I am doing to damage the relationship.

     NOT – ‘I have no idea why people are so mean and don’t like me.’

5. Do I want to get a divorce?
   • If no…. I will put in place programs to make sure that my husband and I are headed in the same direction. (As a beginning: read Studio 46:10’s blog posts about marriage.)

     Don’t let the statement: it wasn’t my fault he found his secretary more attractive than me be the reason you get divorced.

6. Do I want to succeed in school?
   • If yes….I will set up routines and maintain a schedule that works for me.

     NOT – ‘I am just not smart and I like my activities more than studying.’

What about busyness?

Now, one thing I do know – if we let life get too busy, we will NOT do anything to help ourselves. Busyness will be our excuse. Busyness is our enemy.  

We are in charge of our own work calendars.  
We are in charge of our kids’ schedules.  
We are in charge of our social calendars.  
We are in charge of our exercise programs.  
We are in charge of the meals that that we make and what we put in our mouths (do we pack a health lunch or go thru the drive thru)?
We are in charge of our spending.

When busyness sets in, we are not organized, disciplined or take the time to care for ourselves, our families, our friends or our spouses. I am guilty of this all the time. I need to stop and figure out what is consuming my time and then make adjustments.

So, I will end with this?

• Is your life fulfilling right now or just crowded with stuff?
• Do you even have time to call a friend or go out to lunch?
• Do you like the way your body looks and performs?
• Are you happy with your savings account balance?

If the answer is NO to any (or all) of those questions I would like to suggest you take a good hard look at yourself – physically, mentally, and emotionally. And then figure out what needs to be done to create EVER LASTING CHANGE.

I am right with you here – I think I am talking to myself. I will add this….change comes in baby steps – NOT all at once.