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Financial Joy: How I Lost It and the 3 Steps That Brought It Back

Financial joy is one of the most underrated feelings in the world — and one of the easiest to lose without ever realizing it is gone. Do you remember the first time you made your own money? Not a paycheck from a job. The first time you earned it yourself and felt unreasonably proud of it.

For me, it was potholders. I was sitting at the kitchen table weaving those colorful little loops together, and then I would walk around the neighborhood, by myself, because that is what kids did back then, knocking on doors and selling them.

One potholder for twenty-five cents. Three for sixty cents. And I felt rich. Genuinely, legitimately rich. I would come home, count my coins, and then immediately start making more potholders because the joy of creating something, selling it, and saving the money was almost impossible to put into words.

There was pride in it. Excitement. And it was fun.

Somewhere along the years, I lost all of that.

How Financial Joy Disappears — Even When Income Is Good

That feeling does not vanish all at once. Instead, it slips away slowly, without announcement, without a clear moment you can point to. Looking back, I can see exactly how it happened for me.

I fell into the comparison trap. Someone had something, and I wanted it too, even when I could not actually afford it. We got caught in the cycle so many families fall into: as income went up, spending went up right alongside it. Raises meant lifestyle upgrades. An emergency fund? That was a concept for other people. Retirement? That was something for old people, and I was going to stay forever young.

When you combine that kind of spending with almost no savings, the result is exactly what you would expect — stress, overwhelm, and being one unexpected expense away from everything tipping over.

Here is the part that still surprises me: no one ever told me the basics. No one told me we needed an emergency fund. No one told me to live below our means. No one told me to pay myself first and then spend the rest. Money is not intuitive. If you are not paying deliberate attention to it, it will flow through your fingers like sand at the beach. Here today. Gone tomorrow. Nothing to show for it.

Research from the National Endowment for Financial Education consistently shows that financial stress is one of the top sources of anxiety for Americans, affecting everything from sleep quality to relationship satisfaction. But what the data also reveals is that financial well-being is less about income level and more about the relationship someone has with their money: whether they feel in control, whether they have a plan, and whether their financial decisions reflect their actual values. The comparison trap Jane describes is backed by behavioral economics too. Social comparison theory shows that comparing our financial situation to others consistently erodes financial satisfaction, even when our objective circumstances are improving.

The Brick Wall Moment

I did not realize how far I had drifted until I was forty-eight years old. At that point, I had a sobering realization: if we kept going the way we were going — earning well but spending everything — we were heading quietly toward a broke retirement.

That realization triggered what I can only describe as a full emotional breakdown about money. Not because we were irresponsible people, but because we had never been intentional. And nobody had ever taught us to be.

So I started making real changes. I cut back on spending — not permanently, but long enough to get control. I used that extra cash to pay down debt, build savings, and eventually invest. As a result, something incredible began to happen: the bills started shrinking, savings began to grow, and the stress slowly started easing.

Then one day I realized the financial joy had come back. That same joy I felt counting quarters as a little girl — the joy of knowing I was building something. And that is when I finally understood what I had been missing all those years. Money itself does not create joy. What creates joy is knowing you are on track.

Three Steps That Brought My Financial Joy Back

Step One: Take a bird's-eye view of your money. Step back from the day-to-day and look at the big picture honestly. Ask yourself: are you happy with where you are financially? Do you have money set aside for emergencies? Are you building toward the life you actually want? Most women who have lost financial joy have also lost sight of the big picture. They are managing today without any orientation toward tomorrow. Getting altitude on your financial situation is not about creating shame. It is about creating clarity. And when your goals are clear, motivation to change follows.

Step Two: Analyze your spending without judgment. For one month, write down every purchase. Automatic bills on one list. Daily spending on another. Coffee, eating out, subscriptions, the Target run that became five bags. At the end of the month, highlight categories by color. What you will begin to see are patterns, not failures. Most spending is not about need. It is about habit. The daily coffee, the Costco run, the impulse buy: all habit. And habits can be redirected. That is where the hidden money lives.

Step Three: Compare your spending to your income and find the real problem. In most cases, the issue is not income. It is how that income flows. Start cutting what does not add genuine value, not everything, not forever, just the things that are adding stress rather than joy. Subscriptions you do not use. Impulse purchases that you forget about within a week. The cash you spent that you cannot account for. Redirect that flow toward debt, savings, and eventually investment. Brick by brick.

What Happens When You Know You Are Building Something

When you finally get ahead of your money, when you know where it is going instead of wondering where it went, something shifts emotionally. The stress fades. The overwhelm clears. You build a safety net. And the joy comes back.

Not because money makes you happy. But because you know you are on track. You know you are building life on your terms. You know you have an emergency fund. You know vacations and college and retirement are becoming possible. And suddenly money feels like a tool rather than a burden.

Financial freedom is not something you chase. It is something you build.

You become smart. You become savvy. You become secure.

And that?

That is where the joy lives.

Today’s episode is brought to you by Financial Independence Society© — a step-by-step program for women who want to figure out, and know how to, create financial freedom and independence! If you want to learn MORE about the program, click here to watch my free masterclass. See you on the inside!

MORE INFORMATION:

• Watch the masterclass – The 4-Step Map to Financial Security: Without Tracking Lattes!
• Grab the 7 Financial Mistakes Most Women Make (and how to fix them).
• How much money do you need for retirement: Retirement Calculator